New life.

This time was going to be different, right? I was never emotionally vested as I was when participating in my brother’s post rehab plan of care. This time he would have every resource needed at the tips of his fingers— we made sure he had the whole nine yards… there was no room for error. None.

He was so proud of himself for staying, participating and completing his program. He said he wanted to work with addicts… He wanted to talk to them about Jesus. He wanted to instill hope in the hopeless. He wanted to love the unlovable. He wanted to be the light for someone else’s darkness…. If he only knew he was already doing that.

My brother filled my hopeless soul with never-ending love and lit my path so bright, I felt like a star. He loved me even when my darkened soul was unlovable. “Love is all that matters”, he said. Boy, was he right. Love trumps everything. Christian Thomas Young was wise beyond his years. He was God’s Warrior here on earth and he was fighting a battle only to be won by an angel….

We grew anxious as my brother ventured out of those doors that Friday afternoon. It felt similar to the day my parents brought him home from the hospital as a newborn—innocent, fragile and loved. A new life waited for him… for all of us. It just wasn’t the new life we prayed for….

ONE WEEK LATER…

“Brit, have you talked to your mom? I’m trying to call her and she won’t answer.” Panic filled my dad’s voice.

“No, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” My panic matched his.

“Well, I tried calling Christian and a man answered claiming to be an Indianapolis Investigator and wouldn’t give me any more information.” His voiced cracked.

“I’m calling her now and I’ll call you back.” I’m pretty sure I hung up before my dad actually heard my entire sentence.

11 times I called my mom only to be sent to her voicemail. I grew weaker and weaker with each attempt.

MOM, CALL

“Brittany, listen, I’m sitting here waiting for the chaplain to arrive, and we’re headed to your dad’s. Don’t let him know just yet. I need to be there with him”.

What did I miss??? My world was spinning out of control… I was going to get sick. I ran to the bathroom but stopped and turned… a woman I had never seen before stared back at me in the mirror. Who was she? She looked like me, but something was different?

“Mom, did something happen to Christian?”

“Yes”, she forced out of her breathless voice.

“Did he make it this time?” I knew the answer, but I prayed to be wrong.

“No” she belted with every fiber of her being.

My body went limp as I fell to the ground. “No. No. No. No. CHRISTIAN!” I screamed until my voice grew quiet. My world went from spinning at an unstoppable speed to a complete halt. My brother was gone. God hold me.